5am – The Snake Dilemma

Reading Time: About 12 minutes

After laying there naked for some time letting the cool morning air wash over me I shakily got to my feet and pick my nightgown off of the floor. It was still dark out… I figured it was at least a few minutes before everyone was supposed to get up. I had just pressed the button to the big garage door when I saw Ned Flanders out on his morning run.

“Hi-dilly-ho, neighb—ah”. He choked and nearly tripped when he looked over at me and saw me standing there completely nude. Luckily the door snapped shut and I didn’t have to deal with him.

I thought to myself. I don’t have the energy to deal with him right now… he’ll probably just spend the day confessing his sin at seeing me anyway.

At the time I had no idea how right I was but that’s for another entry!

I pulled the nightgown back on as I walked through the quiet house thinking, That was the best sex I have ever had!

No! Even if it was I love my Homer! That can’t ever happen again!

As I sat down at the kitchen table my toes curled involuntarily, But it was soooo nice! 

Marge Simpson! You are a happily married woman and- oh my gosh is that the time?!

Unfortunately, Snake took longer than I thought with me because it was nearly fifteen till! I couldn’t waste any more time thinking about what I had done. I spent the next 10 minutes running, which was no small challenge with how shaky my legs were, believe me, to wake up Homer and the kids. I had to lie to them and tell them all the clocks were wrong in the house and that’s why I didn’t wake them up.

I did it for Homer.

Of course, I didn’t have any time to make them breakfast… I nearly burst into tears at that one. As a mother that’s one of the few joys I get, taking care of my family, and I failed at that because I was having fireworks-worthy sex with a madman in the garage…

I did it for Homer.

I finally got the kids out the door with some money for lunch just in time for the bus to arrive. I grabbed Homer and started to shove Homer towards the garage to kiss him goodbye.

“But breakfast!” he whined all the way through the empty kitchen, “All the good donuts are gone by the time I get to work. What am I supposed to do?”

“You could stop and grab something on the way.” I tried to sound helpful but had to turn my face away when he sniffed and made a funny face at me.

“If I did that there will be no doughnuts at all when I get there. Plus, If I am late one more time Burns will demote me to Welcome Mat for Burns’ office!.”

We finally made it to the garage, and I just prayed Ned wasn’t still outside when I opened the door.

“Marge! People will see you! Where’s your robe?”

I actually managed a weak laugh at that one but I was dying inside returning to the scene of the crime so I pretended not to notice.

“I know, you’re just distracted because you woke us up late,” Homer’s face perked up, “I know what will cheer you up. You can bring me Krusty Burger!”

“Oh Homie, that is so far out of the way! And you know I have a meeting at Bart’s school.”

“But…  hey why does it smell so funny out here-?”

“Ok, Ok, Krusty Burger it is!” I shoved him into the car and quickly shut the door.

I waved him out the driveway and fought back tears.

Well if I was going to have to get dressed and bring Homer food I’ll need to call the service to have someone come and watch Maggie. 

As the garage door closed I let out one long, full wet burp. At least I don’t need breakfast myself.


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